Bud Light has been a struggling brand for quite some time. When they hired a new marketing director, however, all of that was supposed to change.

In a way, it did. The New VP of Marketing, Sandy Batt, decided to use social media influencers like Dylan Mulvaney to promote the brand. Unfortunately, the rural, white, male, heterosexual crowd that makes up the beer’s base wanted nothing to do with it.

After a nationwide boycott and a drop in sales that cost the company billions, yet another issue is pressing: what to do with unsold kegs of the product that will expire today.

The company’s answer is to dump the kegs at a cost of millions of dollars.
“We have no other choice,” said CEO Joe Barron, “if you let the beer skunk inside the kegs it infests the barrels and we have to buy new ones. Those poplar monstrosities cost a fortune.”

Republican Rep Lauren Boebert suggested the company give the product to the less fortunate living in the streets. “Maybe if they drink enough they’ll get off meth,” she said of her immediate family, “plus the street party would be wild.” She put a hand on her side and tried to look sexy, but this reporter finds her to have the hips of a 10-year-old boy.

You have to forgive BoBo. She’s been preoccupied with trying to learn a language. English. God Bless America.