Roseanne Signs 3-Year $40 Million Deal: “Her Standup Is Ground-Breaking”

Roseanne Barr stunned both audiences and critics with a performance that has been hailed by some as “groundbreaking.” According to several sources who may or may not work for Fox, her single standup show was so powerful that they had no choice but to get her on the air full-time.

“She’s just amazing,” said Programming Director Joe Barron, “we knew right away there’s an audience for her.” Roseanne’s agent confirmed the deal.

The new show will be something with a clever title to entice people who actually think calling your kids libtards and telling weird stories about dating your own cousin are next-level funny things, so basically our audience.

Rosie’s first guest will be the unforgettable Jon Voight, who will undoubtedly spend the bulk of his time praising former President Donald Trump, standing firm with the state of Israel, and offering prayers for the soul of Benjamin Netanyahu. It’s possible he knows something we don’t on that one.

On her panel, we expect some other real winners on the right, but unlike “The View,” they won’t all be women. “I’m not a sexist like Whoopi,” said Roseanne, “I might even hire that cousin I dated. He was pretty manly, let me tell you what.”

Yeah, patriots, we laughed pretty hard as well. She’s a regular national treasure. Ranks right up there with Ben Stein. God Bless America.

Related Posts

20 Minutes ago in Arizona, Savannah Guthrie was confirmed as…

Just 20 minutes ago in Arizona, Savannah Guthrie was confirmed as the focus of a rapidly developing update that has already begun to ripple across newsrooms and…

My Husband Spent Every Saturday Helping His Late Friend’s Son—Until a Note From the Boy Revealed a Difficult Truth

Six months after my husband Mark lost his best friend David to a sudden heart attack, he seemed determined to help the family left behind. He told…

A Cashier Questioned a Veteran’s ID—Leading to an Unexpected Family Connection

The young cashier glanced at the worn identification card and shook his head. “I’m sorry, sir. This ID is too old. I can’t accept it.” Arthur didn’t…

At a Family Dinner, My Sister Suddenly Raised My Rent — But I Stayed Calm, Knowing a Big Change Was Coming

Dinner at her sister Madison’s elegant home felt less like a family gathering and more like a performance. Emma had been quietly living in Madison’s basement apartment…

Jake Paul Celebrates as Fiancée Wins Gold at the Winter Olympics

Dutch speed skater Jutta Leerdam delivered a remarkable performance on February 9, capturing Olympic gold in the women’s 1,000 meters and setting a new Olympic record with…

My Stepdad Raised Me After My Mother Passed Away — At His Funeral, One Conversation Revealed a Long-Hidden Family Truth

When my stepfather Michael passed away, it felt as if I had lost the only parent who had truly guided me through life. He had raised me…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *