In another serious blow to the Target Corporation, KitchenAid Appliances has decided to pull its stock from the shelves and discontinue doing business there.

“We have different values,” said CEO Joe Barron, “We can’t be associated with the negative publicity surrounding the things they support.”

KitchenAid currently sells the full line of stand mixers as well as smaller appliances, coffeemakers, and dozens of gadgets and utensils. Losing the line will cost Target more than $100 million in revenue.
According to one local shopper in Mesa Del Pastitsio, Arizona, she now has no reason left to go the nation’s 2nd-largest box store. “The KitchenAid stuff is the only reason I shop there,” she said, “I buy a new gadget every month when my Social Security check comes in because I’m on a fixed income.”

The separation began when Chef Gordon Ramsay refused to use his KitchenAid mixer on any of his shows until the company removed its line from Target. “I won’t support that tucking nonsense,” he said, “putting a little man’s willy in a pouch is wrong understand?”

The movement spiraled from there, joined by nearly every chef who wears Crocs. “It’s amazing to me,” said Ramsay, “Those things are so stupid.” Mario Batali and Joe Bastianich laughed in misogynist. God Bless America.