ABC Declines to Renew Whoopi Goldberg’s Contract: “It’s Time to Move On”

They didn’t fire her. They didn’t cancel her. They didn’t even cancel her show. What ABC did instead, to deal with its neverending Whoopi Goldberg problem, was to simply decline to re-sign her to a new contract. The move will cost Goldberg her lead on a popular show and upwards of $36 million per year in salary and endorsements.

“It’s time to move on,” said Programming Director Joe Barron, “she had a good run, but now she’s just so angry all the time.” Barron said the network is constantly inundated with complaints from people who find her hateful, divisive, and un-American. “Most of them can’t explain why, but it’s their right not to,” he commented.

Goldberg’s manager, Art Tubolls, says the negotiations are far from over and that he expects ABC to offer his client a new contract through 2029. “She is the show,” he said, “who’s gonna run nit, Joy Behar? She doesn’t have the starpower to do what Whoopi does.”

Barron says Behar isn’t the only option, as freeing up all that cash could net the show two new hosts. “I’ll bet we could get both Alyssa Milano and Kathy Griffin for half of that,” he chuckled. Alyssa Milano ignored our request for comment. Again.

Hopefully this new trend away from liberalism will continue so America can get back to the glory days.

Related Posts

Bill Clinton with tears in their eyes make the sad announcement…

Former President Bill Clinton, with tears in his eyes, stood before the cameras today to deliver a heartbreaking announcement that left the nation in shock. His voice…

I Saw My Husband Cheating on Me with My Friend on His Birthday — My Mother Made a Perfect Plan to Get Back at Him

When you’re in love, you trust the person that you’re with. That’s how it’s supposed to work, right?             I mean, that’s…

I Found Out My Husband Owns a Secret Apartment – When My Friend & I Went There, We Were Left in Pure Shock

My husband, Adam, goes on a trip with our son and his brother to visit their mom, right? So, I’m just cleaning up the den when an…

My MIL Hid My Passport So I Couldn’t Join the Family Vacation

I swear, I almost didn’t go on that Aruba trip. Not because I didn’t want to. Oh, I desperately wanted to. But because someone else decided I…

My Cheating Husband Made Me Sign over My Business to Him – He Had No Idea It Was Part of My Revenge Plan

The morning light streamed through our bedroom windows as I buttoned up my blouse, watching Ethan knot his tie in the mirror. Even after five years of…

My Stepmother ‘Gifted’ Me an Old, Smelly Couch — When She Saw What I Did With It, She Demanded $2,500 From Me

Ever have one of those moments where you should’ve just trusted your gut? Yep, that was me, standing in my stepmother’s basement, staring at the ugliest, smelliest…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *