There’s a rumor circling the internet that Roseanne Barr has decided to cancel “The Conners” and fire everyone after a Los Angeles jury handed her control of the show along with $208 million.

According to the story, Roseanne considered keeping John Goodman for a while but ultimately decided to drop him as well.

After careful investigation and a check of the original author’s credibility, we rate this story 100 percent true.
Roseanne’s manager, Joe Barron, released a statement confirming that in this storyline, Roseanne is the victor, taking her show and her reputation away from the network that screwed her. “I wouldn’t work for ABC again to save my life,” she said in an interview, “they wanted me to eat one of the children in a meth-induced rage. It was ridiculous.”

One exaggerated article said they tried to make her kill herself but that seems a little bit over the top. “I have mental illness,” Roseanne stated, “the kind of malaise that the genius possess and the insane lament.”

Roseanne’s mental illness is as well documented as her racism, which isn’t really a big deal to most conservatives. Trump took out a full-page ad to trash five black dudes that were innocent and kept trashing them after their exoneration and we still voted for him, did we not?

Just get over it, patriots. It’s gonna be a great show. God Bless America.